It's not just about rules, but relationship.
He doesn't just want to bring the hammer down on you, His deep concern is because it hurts:
- You
- Your Spouse
- ALL of your friends
- ALL of your family members on both sides
- ANY kids involved (yours together, yours alone, his kids, cousins, nephews, nieces, etc)
- the entire community (anyone who knows or cares about you)
Because you become one more statistic to cause society to NOT believe in marriage (which God created).
God hates divorce because it gives the enemy a foothold through bitterness and resentment.
The enemy is out to "steal, kill and destroy" our relationships with each other and our relationship with God.
It causes pain, it wounds deeply, which can limit God's work through you...and God doesn't want you to hurt.
He has a guidebook for life and if we read it AND use it, he tells us how best to navigate this life. He doesn't promise no struggles...but it certainly helps!!!
"Back in the day" a person's word was GOLD. It was as concrete as a signed contract that goes to court today. You gave your word and that person could count on you following through. It is NOT something to take lightly. When we get married we take vows before God.
God intended marriage to reflect the intimate relationship He wants to have with us. The enemy has distorted, twisted and disfigured it through deception and lies so that more often than not it doesn't even remotely resemble what God intended it to be - thus it doesn't work, it doesn't last and causes more pain than ever was anticipated by those involved.
A woman is made in the image of God, a man is made in the image of God... 1+1=1 in this case.
We are all on the same team, reflecting different parts of a complex, caring and deeply loving God.
I fully and completely believe in marriage and support it. I have received sage advice from those married 30+ years and am way beyond the "fairy tale" and have, over the past 15 years, through friends, had my blinders lifted to the realities of it. The fact is nothing is unforgiveable (no I don't suggest staying in abusive marriages - I'm not going there with this blog post) and the fact is that pride has no place in marriage.
The fairy tale is with Jesus, you are HIS bride first, your husband is an made in the image of God and a sample of what you'll have with your King for eternity...
He's a sample, because he is not perfect and he is also a work in progress.
And when it comes down to it, men and women just struggle to communicate and understand one another - for they are actually ON the same team.
Men and women are ON the SAME team!
The enemy uses our vulnerabilities and insecurities to wreak havoc in the area of communication betweeen men and women, that's why it's so important for both partners to walk closely with Christ, to pray alone, to pray together, and to look to God's leading and to follow God's plan for marriage... which by the way is NOT boring...
Ladies, have you read Song of Solomon lately? Come on! THAT book does not reflect an unromantic, unadventurous, prude or boring God!
The fair tale is sharing a life together, days and years of time, working through joys, crises, pain, trauma, adventure, fun, and creating tons of memories...but coming through every adversity TOGETHER just a bit closer and a bit stronger in your relationship. THAT is the fairy tale. We need to reprogram. The disney fairy tale is easy...it's superficial...and it doesn't include God.
God's fairy tale is the REAL one. Let's teach women THAT.
As for marriage? You don't do it just for the heck of it, you don't do it for financial stability, you don't do it because you're afraid to be alone, you don't do it because your baby needs a daddy, you don't do it because everyone else is, you don't do it just because you've been with someone a long time...
I was married at 20 and divorced by 22. I was the one that initiated the divorce for a world of reasons that I won't go into here.
Even though I initiated it, I still felt rejected because so much went wrong in the marriage and I felt like such an utter failure.
Mostly because I did not want to repeat my own parents' situation.
God was no part of my first marriage.
In fact, even though God was in my heart, I wasn't walking with Him. And even over the next 10 years, when in a relationship, I didn't mention my faith til WAY TOO LATE in the relationship AFTER all of the emotions were full blown. By then, the guy feels cheated, like you lied to him because you didn't tell him this important part of who you are so that he could decide if he agreed or would support it - PRIOR to committing to you.
My way hasn't worked most of my life. So NOW, God is first, and He comes out first in any semblance of a friendship/relationship situation. I cannot commit my time/money/life (it's basically a business partnership - would you jump into one of THOSE?) and heart to someone who doesn't know and love my Savior and best friend. If he doesn't accept him, then he doesn't accept me and I've learned not to try to change people.
So God will show me who that man is that is head over heels in love with Him and the right pairing for me. I have the utmost of faith in that.
Meanwhile, God and I have LOTS to do! Life as a single is GREAT! But I've done that for 20 years. I'm ready to try the other side... Until then, life doesn't stop, God keeps using me, preparing me and growing me. We have an adventure everyday!
No matter what, remember, "God's Not Mad At You!"
Disclaimer: In NONE Of these blog posts am I implying that marriage or relationships are EASY, simple, uncomplex or have simple solutions. It is the biggest challenge of your life, but staying single is lazy, unless you are TRULY CALLED to it. Life is about growth. Avoiding marriage and relationships means you're denying someone a spouse and taking the easy, "safe" way out and letting the enemy win.
Men and women were not meant to be alone.
Be Blessed!
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